Living On The Fringes

Jesus was a fringe-dweller.  He was an outcast, out-of-the-loop, in some ways.  He also knew what it was like to be misunderstood, to be judged, overlooked, underestimated.  His experiences allowed Him to understand and care about those of us who are fringe-dwellers.  But He had something else - He had His Father's attention, His Father's affection.  He knew Who He was because He knew Who His Father was.  We have that same certainty because of Jesus.  We know Who our Father is, we know we have His attention and affection.  We know who we are because of Who He is.  We can be a fringe-dweller knowing that He is right here with us, right now.  We are never alone.

Saturday I was able to watch a Christmas play live on the web because a local church cared enough to make it available to those of us who find it more than challenging to be a part of large public events.  They noticed the fringe-dwellers.  They noticed me.  It felt so good to be included.  Just once in awhile, it does feel so good.

Sister Blog

I started another blog, or rather, revamped another blog that I started a couple of years ago with a friend that was intended to be a social, political and cultural commentary of the state of affairs in America.  I created a few posts, but then let it go, and my friend never did post anything.  Sooooo . . . short story long, I just changed it over to a solo blog called Mindful Considerations.  I like the name and it does reflect what I hope the content will be.  We'll see!   You know what they say about the best laid plans. . . .  Here's the link!

http://mindfulconsiderations.wordpress.com/

Perservering on December 1st

December 1st.  It is turning out to be a beautiful and sunny day.  I love the sunshine - it makes everything so much better!  It reminds me that God is fully in charge and everything is going to be fine.  I have a friend who once told me, "It will be fine in the end.  If it's not fine, then it's not the end."  Good, huh?  With God, everything will be fine in the end - that's what He tells us in Jeremiah 29.  When gray days seem endless and life seems difficult, it's good to remember the truth that everything will eventually be fine.  None of us is exempt from suffering, no matter what form it takes.  The bad stuff is only temporary.  The good stuff - the stuff that happens in the end - is always and only good!  Yay, God!!

It has been over a year!

I can't believe that it's been well over a year since I blogged! I keep meaning to, but I also keep telling myself that I don't have anything worth saying that anyone would want to read. We really are our own worst critics, aren't we? So, I've decided to let it all hang out and let the blog take on its own life.

It's been a tough year, frankly. I've had hernia surgery - a triple! Can you believe it? Everything really went fine, but the pain was worse and lastest a LOT LONGER than expected. I have to thank God for His protection and sending me a wonderful surgeon. I'm also wrestling with back and leg issues. The good news is that I have a CPAP machine to help me breathe at night. It works really great! I also was able to secure a new bed, which is helping to deal with lymphedema in my legs and GERD. Thank You Father for Your provision!! There have been so many other blessings as well - friends who have surrounded me with practical help and prayer and encouragement in the hard times. I'm still struggling with heart arrhymias, but am working with a Naturopath to resolve them. Pray for me if you think of me. Thank you!

I've reconnected with my two brothers who live in New Orleans. One is doing really well, but one is not. I worry far too much about the latter, forgetting that God loves him too and is looking out for him. God never asked me to save anyone - He took care of that Himself and is faithful to see us all the way to heaven! Amen!

I'm finally learning to use my phone to text. Since I have an older phone, it takes some time because I don't have a keyboard to spell. Laborious, but interesting! I don't think I'll become addicted to it, but it was fun to play with today.

I am slowly learning to love my family - it took over 57 years to begin the learning, but begun it has! It can take a lifetime to unravel issues and learn to forgive real and imagined offenses, as well as accept that we are all broken in some way or another and we are all doing the best we can. I am so grateful for God's forgiveness and want to be a channel of it to everyone. Little by little He is conforming me to His image!

I hope your Thanksgiving was/is filled with many blessings and true gratitude for all that we have because of Him!

My Mother's World

I'm watching a movie I've seen before - maybe you've seen it too - "One True Thing," with Meryl Streep and Renee Zellweger. Renee plays a daughter who comes home to stay with her folks when Meryl comes down with cancer. William Hurt plays Meryl's husband, who seems uninvolved and emotionally immature. In the past, I've been caught up in Hurt's character and his deficiencies, which actually turn out to be different than you're led to expect. It's a very good in-depth character and relational study worth the watch.

This time through I've been more aware of the relationship between the two female leads. Renee plays a character who wants very much to lead a different life than her home-making mother, whom she perceives as having a very small life. However, as the movie develops, you realize that her world is anything but small, especially in the way she loves and cares for her family, and the world around her.

Renee's character says (through narration) at one point, as she interacts with some of her mother's friends at a luncheon, that she didn't want to be a part of her mother's world. Instantly, I heard myself say that I would have LOVED to be a part of my mother's world, and to be included in such a life. Then, just as quickly, I realized that my mother didn't have a world, at least, not one that anyone else could have been a part of. She wasn't part of any world, really. Her mental illness consumed every thought, every moment, every memory, every relationship. Her person and her world were stolen away by a mind that could not interact with anyone in any healthy or life-building way.

I began to also realize, yet again, that some of my hermiting and reclusive ways are a consequence of being on the periphery of her non-world. Her non-world certainly helped to form the person I've become, for better and worse. I could not enter her world, nor really be part of it, thankfully. But, it would have been fun to have a mom who had a world to be a part of and a life worth desiring.

This post is not a lament, but rather an observation. God has made up to me for the deficiencies of my childhood and I am truly blessed with a number of caring and loving women in my life.

As the movie progresses, Renee's character develops a new appreciation for her mom, and new insights into her dad. All in all, I highly recommend the movie.