It has been over a year!

I can't believe that it's been well over a year since I blogged! I keep meaning to, but I also keep telling myself that I don't have anything worth saying that anyone would want to read. We really are our own worst critics, aren't we? So, I've decided to let it all hang out and let the blog take on its own life.

It's been a tough year, frankly. I've had hernia surgery - a triple! Can you believe it? Everything really went fine, but the pain was worse and lastest a LOT LONGER than expected. I have to thank God for His protection and sending me a wonderful surgeon. I'm also wrestling with back and leg issues. The good news is that I have a CPAP machine to help me breathe at night. It works really great! I also was able to secure a new bed, which is helping to deal with lymphedema in my legs and GERD. Thank You Father for Your provision!! There have been so many other blessings as well - friends who have surrounded me with practical help and prayer and encouragement in the hard times. I'm still struggling with heart arrhymias, but am working with a Naturopath to resolve them. Pray for me if you think of me. Thank you!

I've reconnected with my two brothers who live in New Orleans. One is doing really well, but one is not. I worry far too much about the latter, forgetting that God loves him too and is looking out for him. God never asked me to save anyone - He took care of that Himself and is faithful to see us all the way to heaven! Amen!

I'm finally learning to use my phone to text. Since I have an older phone, it takes some time because I don't have a keyboard to spell. Laborious, but interesting! I don't think I'll become addicted to it, but it was fun to play with today.

I am slowly learning to love my family - it took over 57 years to begin the learning, but begun it has! It can take a lifetime to unravel issues and learn to forgive real and imagined offenses, as well as accept that we are all broken in some way or another and we are all doing the best we can. I am so grateful for God's forgiveness and want to be a channel of it to everyone. Little by little He is conforming me to His image!

I hope your Thanksgiving was/is filled with many blessings and true gratitude for all that we have because of Him!

Forgiveness

Seems like the Easter season always causes us to ponder anew the topic of forgiveness. As we approach Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter, we are reminded of all that Jesus suffered on our behalf and what He provided for us through the crucifixion and resurrection. As I have been considering all these things, my thoughts have taken a different path.

I have been thinking about the nature of forgiveness and what it really means to be forgiven and to forgive. I'm not totally sure that I have really understood how deep forgiveness really goes. For most of my Christian life (40 years), I've viewed forgiveness as the eraser on a chalkboard. Every time something is written on it, I've got to confess my sin and ask forgiveness. Then Jesus takes His eraser and wipes the board clean. Since I could never be sure that my board was wiped clean, I've lived with a constant since of guilt and recrimination. You've seen that chalkboard that, even though erased, you can still see the faint etchings or the powder left from the erasures - that's mine. The words are erased, but the chalk is still there.

I'm just starting to understand that there really is no chalkboard - only the one in my mind. The evil conscience that Paul speaks of is not a conscience that fails to advise us of our sin, but one that never lets us forget our sin, even when we have confessed it and asked forgiveness.

I'm also realizing that Jesus didn't suffer and die because God needed a sacrifice - we needed a sacrifice. We needed someone to take the heat and we needed someone to pay. God through Jesus stepped up to the plate and, in effect, said, "blame me - I'll take the heat and pay the price - you can let yourself off of the hook."

It is so easy to forgive others if we can see that Jesus did the same thing for them. If I can accept forgiveness for myself, I can extend it to those who offend me. Since I am "the chiefest of sinners," and all other sins pale in comparison to mine, I can throw out my chalkboard record for others as well.

So . . . during this reflective season I am asking God to deliver me from my evil conscience. I pray the same for you as well.