Perservering on December 1st

December 1st.  It is turning out to be a beautiful and sunny day.  I love the sunshine - it makes everything so much better!  It reminds me that God is fully in charge and everything is going to be fine.  I have a friend who once told me, "It will be fine in the end.  If it's not fine, then it's not the end."  Good, huh?  With God, everything will be fine in the end - that's what He tells us in Jeremiah 29.  When gray days seem endless and life seems difficult, it's good to remember the truth that everything will eventually be fine.  None of us is exempt from suffering, no matter what form it takes.  The bad stuff is only temporary.  The good stuff - the stuff that happens in the end - is always and only good!  Yay, God!!

It has been over a year!

I can't believe that it's been well over a year since I blogged! I keep meaning to, but I also keep telling myself that I don't have anything worth saying that anyone would want to read. We really are our own worst critics, aren't we? So, I've decided to let it all hang out and let the blog take on its own life.

It's been a tough year, frankly. I've had hernia surgery - a triple! Can you believe it? Everything really went fine, but the pain was worse and lastest a LOT LONGER than expected. I have to thank God for His protection and sending me a wonderful surgeon. I'm also wrestling with back and leg issues. The good news is that I have a CPAP machine to help me breathe at night. It works really great! I also was able to secure a new bed, which is helping to deal with lymphedema in my legs and GERD. Thank You Father for Your provision!! There have been so many other blessings as well - friends who have surrounded me with practical help and prayer and encouragement in the hard times. I'm still struggling with heart arrhymias, but am working with a Naturopath to resolve them. Pray for me if you think of me. Thank you!

I've reconnected with my two brothers who live in New Orleans. One is doing really well, but one is not. I worry far too much about the latter, forgetting that God loves him too and is looking out for him. God never asked me to save anyone - He took care of that Himself and is faithful to see us all the way to heaven! Amen!

I'm finally learning to use my phone to text. Since I have an older phone, it takes some time because I don't have a keyboard to spell. Laborious, but interesting! I don't think I'll become addicted to it, but it was fun to play with today.

I am slowly learning to love my family - it took over 57 years to begin the learning, but begun it has! It can take a lifetime to unravel issues and learn to forgive real and imagined offenses, as well as accept that we are all broken in some way or another and we are all doing the best we can. I am so grateful for God's forgiveness and want to be a channel of it to everyone. Little by little He is conforming me to His image!

I hope your Thanksgiving was/is filled with many blessings and true gratitude for all that we have because of Him!

The Problem with Truth

I used to think that truth could only be truth if it were the same for everyone. And, of course, the truth I knew was the truth! In fact, a pastor once said, "In order for truth to be truth, it must be true for all people in all places at all times." When I heard those words, I thought them profound and began to repeat them in any situation that challenged what I knew to be truth. It felt comforting and further settled me into my established line of reasoning.

Then I found out that there are over 3,000 Christian sects in the world . . . all claiming to have the truth!! And that doesn't even include the Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims or any other flavor of religion!! What a shocker!!!! How could all of these people, sincere, seekers of God, wanting to follow the truth, all come up with different truths, all claiming to hear from God??

Just recently it occurred to me that God isn't showing the same truth to everyone. Wow!! What is that about? It would be sooooooo much easier on all of us if He did.

So, now what? I must follow what I know as truth until God reveals something else. Further, I must also allow that He is showing others something else as true. What a challenge that is! I'm so used to insisting that I'm right! (What an opportunity to love others!)

This is my bottom line - God is Who He says He is; He is love personified; He keeps His promises; He has a good future planned for all of us; He never fails or gives up. I could add more, but you get the idea. The rest I just have to give to Him and let Him sort it out.

By the way, I've been sprinkled and dunked, just in case!

Lent

So here we are in the Lenten season. I've been more interested in Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras, frankly. When I was a kid, I lived in a suburb of New Orleans for 4 years and looked forward to the parades and time off from school. I don't like jelly donuts, so I passed on the "punchkies." I like the party and celebration part better though, and not the ashes and "what are you giving up for Lent?" Also, I've never been a part of a local church that acknowledges anything other than Good Friday and Easter, so I've never given much, or any thought really, to giving up anything for Lent.
I was at the chiropractor the other day and someone said that they needed to find something for their husband to give up for Lent. She was thinking of the typical treat or "sinful" pleasure like chocolate or beer. I asked her a little about his personality, and she freely shared. I don't think this was my idea, but I heard myself asking her, "what about giving up taking offense?" She paused, surprised, raised her eyebrows and said, "Perfect! That's what I'll do." While I questioned any possible success at getting someone else to "give up" something at all, let alone something so unconscious and automatic, I wished her well.
Interestingly, I started thinking about the subject of taking offense, and how many times I take offense at so many little things - too many to list, if you know what I mean. So . . . I thought about giving up taking offense, not just for Lent, but permanently, for life. How many people would be set free from my judgments and need for things to always go my way? How free would I be to be at peace myself and be generous in my acceptance?
Since that day, I have been noticing, and mostly choosing, to let it go. That guy in front of me didn't intentionally cut me off in traffic and the pharmacist didn't intentionally keep me waiting - you get the idea. What an eye-opener! I also discovered how many times and in how many situations I judge myself. I am most offended by me. That may sound odd, or you may identify. Jesus was no dummy when He talked about our loving others as we do ourselves. If we are loving others poorly, we are probably not doing much of a job of loving ourselves. I am most judgmental when I am least happy with me.
So what's the answer? After all my musings, I realize that there is only one - His name is Jesus. Only He can transform me. I'm trusting Him to transform me as He has promised to do. I am so grateful that I am not left to my own devices to redeem and reform myself.

Meaning

I'm currently a fan of Facebook, as many are. It's a great way to keep connected with so many with very little effort. It's also a great way to post prayer requests. Just the other day the daughter of a friend asked those who know him to continue to pray for her father, Kurt. We all used to go to church together and have since blown about like seeds in the wind to be planted in other fields. I remember Kurt's tender and gracious heart. He drew people to God through loving them and teaching about God's marvelous grace.

Kurt has struggled for some time with Crohn's and was just recently in the hospital in critical condition. He is now recovering at home and is struggling with an issue that many do who have chronic life-impacting conditions. What is the purpose of my life now? Why am I here? What am I do do now?

Anyone who has struggled with chronic illness or another life-restricting condition knows just what I I'm talking about. There are no easy answers for any of us. In the world, and yes, even the church, productivity is always the answer, so finding your way is not easy.

I have another friend stuck in a wheelchair with MS, with extremely limited use of her body. We talk about these things fairly regularly.

Finding the purpose of our lives is very personal and must be embraced by all alike, healthy or not, limited or not. I've done much soul-searching, and more God-searching, over the last few years. Sometimes I despair of a satisfying answer. Other times, I remember that my life belongs to a loving and merciful God Who has a purpose for all things, even suffering. Even lack of "productivity."

So, here it is: I've come to believe that all things, good or evil, enjoyable or not, fulfill God's plan in some way I may not understand. I don't always understand what God is doing, but I can always trust His purpose and intent toward me and toward us all. His thoughts toward us are always good and He promises that our end is good. If I look at life's circumstances for my life's meaning, I will always be standing on shifting sand. I choose, and encourage you to choose, to stand on the Rock Who will never let us falter or fail. One day all things will be restored. In the meantime, we can trust Him to lead us and guide us and to make sense of our lives. Amen!!

On Being a Writer

Just recently it came to my attention, through several dear friends, that I am a writer. I feel a certain hesitation and reticence in saying that out loud. In my thinking, a writer was someone who used their writing to make a living. One also had to be pretty darn good at it to be successful. I have let go of those images because they certainly don't fit me. While, for some, writing is a means of financial gain, for me it is simply an expression of living. I wonder if there isn't a writer hidden within every one of us, whether or not we ever lay down a word.

This blog started as a means of sharing the good news that God isn't mad at mankind and has provided for the universal reconciliation of all mankind. That message is still my passion. The Good News really is good news!!

Now I am open to the possibility that there are other messages that bear telling as well. We will see where God will take me in this process. In the meantime, I will be learning not to cringe when I call myself a writer!

My Mother's World

I'm watching a movie I've seen before - maybe you've seen it too - "One True Thing," with Meryl Streep and Renee Zellweger. Renee plays a daughter who comes home to stay with her folks when Meryl comes down with cancer. William Hurt plays Meryl's husband, who seems uninvolved and emotionally immature. In the past, I've been caught up in Hurt's character and his deficiencies, which actually turn out to be different than you're led to expect. It's a very good in-depth character and relational study worth the watch.

This time through I've been more aware of the relationship between the two female leads. Renee plays a character who wants very much to lead a different life than her home-making mother, whom she perceives as having a very small life. However, as the movie develops, you realize that her world is anything but small, especially in the way she loves and cares for her family, and the world around her.

Renee's character says (through narration) at one point, as she interacts with some of her mother's friends at a luncheon, that she didn't want to be a part of her mother's world. Instantly, I heard myself say that I would have LOVED to be a part of my mother's world, and to be included in such a life. Then, just as quickly, I realized that my mother didn't have a world, at least, not one that anyone else could have been a part of. She wasn't part of any world, really. Her mental illness consumed every thought, every moment, every memory, every relationship. Her person and her world were stolen away by a mind that could not interact with anyone in any healthy or life-building way.

I began to also realize, yet again, that some of my hermiting and reclusive ways are a consequence of being on the periphery of her non-world. Her non-world certainly helped to form the person I've become, for better and worse. I could not enter her world, nor really be part of it, thankfully. But, it would have been fun to have a mom who had a world to be a part of and a life worth desiring.

This post is not a lament, but rather an observation. God has made up to me for the deficiencies of my childhood and I am truly blessed with a number of caring and loving women in my life.

As the movie progresses, Renee's character develops a new appreciation for her mom, and new insights into her dad. All in all, I highly recommend the movie.

Acceptance

I've been thinking about acceptance lately. I remember years ago it was popular to say, "God loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way." On the surface, it sounded right and good. God loves you - that's good, right? He's going to help you to change - that's good, right? Years later, I'm finding that it's a mixed message, much like a lot of messages we hear in some circles. Here's another: "whatever you're afraid of will happen to you, so don't be afraid." Now that is just nuts! Do you know anyone who has stopped being afraid because someone told them that?? Oh well, I'm getting off topic!! Back to acceptance.

God is into setting people free and making them whole. That's Who He is. Acceptance is genuine love - a love that won't walk away if the loved one doesn't change. It's not so easy for we humans. Our love is limited and our acceptance is oft tested. I don't do so well in that category myself. I want to think that I'm an accepting person, but I think a "disapproving tolerance" is probably closer to the truth with some I encounter. I have a long way to go in accepting people the way God does.

I think we have to begin by accepting God for Who He is. Let Him be God. Then we need to accept ourselves with all of our hangups and quirks. Not tolerate, not deny, but really accept that our differences and unlovely places are things God uses in our lives to help us depend upon Him. Then we can pass that on to others.

Just recently a dear friend said to me, "I love you just the way you are - I wouldn't change a thing." What a gift! I felt a deep acceptance and a release of a burden. There is much healing in those words. I heard God's voice in those words. Interestingly enough, I also felt the freedom to change at the same time! What a paradox! The pressure to change was lifted and was turned into an opportunity. God's ways certainly aren't ours, are they? I am truly blessed!