I just stumbled across my blog as I was reading a post on another blog.  Wow!  It has been some time since I was here.  As I reread my previous posts, I was taken back to the time, circumstances, and insights I experienced.  I also realized that blogging is both a challenge and a gift.  It requires openness and transparency and objectivity that we don't always want to engage.  Revealing my heart to myself can be a greater challenge than revealing it to anyone else.  My understanding of Who God Is and who we are because of Him has changed and expanded over and over again.  My sudden "insights" have stretched me, confronted me, challenged me and released me from my prison of manufactured religion (of my own making).  We humans are tribal in nature and tend to gravitate to those who think and believe the way that we do, and then we convince ourselves that our tribe has the corner on God, how to worship Him, know Him, and follow Him.  One day I suddenly "realized" that God is NOT tribal - isn't that amazing!!!  We live and move and have our being IN HIM - all of us!  

     I would like to be able to say that I have arrived, but I know better than that now.  We are never in a place of stasis.  Even when we are not aware of it, we are constantly changing, evolving, growing, stretching.  The "truth" we are so strident about today may be the one that someday down the line, we are shaking our heads and wondering how we could have ever believed that!  I am grateful to our Heavenly Father that He never leaves us alone, never lets us stagnate, never lets us rest in our incompleteness.  That restlessness I feel inside is evidence that I still have a distance to go to reach the shores of Home.  When we see Him we shall be like Him, and His promise is that He will complete the work that He began in us.  Every day we are one step closer!!

Visiting Again

May 17, 2016:  Updating life.  I just re-read my last post from 2011.  I can't believe that it's been 5 years.  The journey continues.  Still trusting God to lead me home.  I have learned how fragile I am and how strong and faithful He is.  I am returning to the church, to make peace with the past, peace with what was and what was not.  I just read a column by Rachel Held Evans regarding Christians who have left the church behind and the need to return and embrace the truth that the very ones who have hurt us are also the ones who are the key to our healing.  Forgiveness involves recognizing our own humanity and embracing the humanity of us all.  Allowing each of us to be imperfect, understanding that our perfection exists in Christ and not in ourselves, allows us to extend grace and mercy and compassion and acceptance to our fellow believers, and to all of humanity.  So, I am going back, to immerse myself, heart, soul and spirit into the glorious and often imperfect life of the church.  

Living On The Fringes

Jesus was a fringe-dweller.  He was an outcast, out-of-the-loop, in some ways.  He also knew what it was like to be misunderstood, to be judged, overlooked, underestimated.  His experiences allowed Him to understand and care about those of us who are fringe-dwellers.  But He had something else - He had His Father's attention, His Father's affection.  He knew Who He was because He knew Who His Father was.  We have that same certainty because of Jesus.  We know Who our Father is, we know we have His attention and affection.  We know who we are because of Who He is.  We can be a fringe-dweller knowing that He is right here with us, right now.  We are never alone.

Saturday I was able to watch a Christmas play live on the web because a local church cared enough to make it available to those of us who find it more than challenging to be a part of large public events.  They noticed the fringe-dwellers.  They noticed me.  It felt so good to be included.  Just once in awhile, it does feel so good.

Awake In The Middle Of The Night

Here I am, awake in the middle of the night.  Since my late 30's I've had trouble sleeping through the night.  Most of the time I just toss and turn until, hopefully, I go back to sleep.  Not tonight however.  I needed to get up and focus my thinking.  I did have all of those blog posts from fellow bloggers I hadn't read yet, so off I went to dig through them for the gold nuggets of wisdom I knew I'd find.  There are so many gifted writers who have mad communication skills.  Someday, I hope to be one of them, but, for now I'm still finding my way.  The ones I enjoy the most are those that draw out my heart - unveil my innermost thoughts and longings, or even discouragements.  The best, and hardest, to read are those from writers with disabilities.  In spite of, and in the midst of their suffering, they lift up Jesus Christ and boast in their confidence in Him.  They are so transparent about their pain and challenges, and in almost the same breath, remind their readers to look to God for comfort, for peace, for hope.  It's easy to rejoice when you are not in pain, not physically limited, but try it when your head is splitting, or every joint and/or muscle is aching and nothing helps.  They are awake a lot in the middle of the night, too.  So, right now I pray for my friends, for peace, for comfort, for relief from pain, for right functioning of their bodies.  And with them, I thank God for His grace and mercy and soon-coming.

Waterfalls

I love waterfalls!  You probably do too.  There is something so incredibly soothing in the myriad of sounds that causes me to be at peace.  I can feel my shoulder muscles let go of the tension that I'm not even aware they're holding onto.  Even my mind lets go of its tumbling thoughts, racing to and fro.  As though listening to an orchestra, I begin to focus on individual sounds, as though they were instruments, each playing their own part.  It isn't long before I feel refreshed and relieved and restored.  Waterfalls are like mini vacations!

Suffering in Children

I have some pretty wonderful friends, let me tell you.  God has blessed me with women friends that are godly, loving, compassionate, loyal and faithful.  I have learned so much and shared so much with them through the years.  They truly know God because they love others as He does.  I had the privilege of spending time with several of them yesterday and hearing their hearts.  One friend shared about the struggles of her grandchild, born with severe health issues that have been both a burden and a battle for his whole life.  We have been praying for him and his family since he was born.  While he has amazed doctors with his progress and life, he is not where he wants to be.  We will keep praying for his precious life.  Another dear friend shared her daughter's struggle with cancer that began a dozen years ago.  My dear friend would give her life for her daughter's.  We have been praying for her daughter throughout the process of overcoming.  Everyone is weary with the process, but clinging to the One Who is our Hope, the One Who has promised that all things work together for good, and that our end will be far better than we could ever imagine.  Hoping, praying, believing, hurting alongside of - my dear, wonderful friends.  Their children and grandchildren will never know how very precious they are and how very much they are prayed for.  Our God loves us all like that - we are His children, cherished, longed over, laboring with, always loving, always believing in - that's our Papa!

Sister Blog

I started another blog, or rather, revamped another blog that I started a couple of years ago with a friend that was intended to be a social, political and cultural commentary of the state of affairs in America.  I created a few posts, but then let it go, and my friend never did post anything.  Sooooo . . . short story long, I just changed it over to a solo blog called Mindful Considerations.  I like the name and it does reflect what I hope the content will be.  We'll see!   You know what they say about the best laid plans. . . .  Here's the link!

http://mindfulconsiderations.wordpress.com/