Meaning

I'm currently a fan of Facebook, as many are. It's a great way to keep connected with so many with very little effort. It's also a great way to post prayer requests. Just the other day the daughter of a friend asked those who know him to continue to pray for her father, Kurt. We all used to go to church together and have since blown about like seeds in the wind to be planted in other fields. I remember Kurt's tender and gracious heart. He drew people to God through loving them and teaching about God's marvelous grace.

Kurt has struggled for some time with Crohn's and was just recently in the hospital in critical condition. He is now recovering at home and is struggling with an issue that many do who have chronic life-impacting conditions. What is the purpose of my life now? Why am I here? What am I do do now?

Anyone who has struggled with chronic illness or another life-restricting condition knows just what I I'm talking about. There are no easy answers for any of us. In the world, and yes, even the church, productivity is always the answer, so finding your way is not easy.

I have another friend stuck in a wheelchair with MS, with extremely limited use of her body. We talk about these things fairly regularly.

Finding the purpose of our lives is very personal and must be embraced by all alike, healthy or not, limited or not. I've done much soul-searching, and more God-searching, over the last few years. Sometimes I despair of a satisfying answer. Other times, I remember that my life belongs to a loving and merciful God Who has a purpose for all things, even suffering. Even lack of "productivity."

So, here it is: I've come to believe that all things, good or evil, enjoyable or not, fulfill God's plan in some way I may not understand. I don't always understand what God is doing, but I can always trust His purpose and intent toward me and toward us all. His thoughts toward us are always good and He promises that our end is good. If I look at life's circumstances for my life's meaning, I will always be standing on shifting sand. I choose, and encourage you to choose, to stand on the Rock Who will never let us falter or fail. One day all things will be restored. In the meantime, we can trust Him to lead us and guide us and to make sense of our lives. Amen!!

On Being a Writer

Just recently it came to my attention, through several dear friends, that I am a writer. I feel a certain hesitation and reticence in saying that out loud. In my thinking, a writer was someone who used their writing to make a living. One also had to be pretty darn good at it to be successful. I have let go of those images because they certainly don't fit me. While, for some, writing is a means of financial gain, for me it is simply an expression of living. I wonder if there isn't a writer hidden within every one of us, whether or not we ever lay down a word.

This blog started as a means of sharing the good news that God isn't mad at mankind and has provided for the universal reconciliation of all mankind. That message is still my passion. The Good News really is good news!!

Now I am open to the possibility that there are other messages that bear telling as well. We will see where God will take me in this process. In the meantime, I will be learning not to cringe when I call myself a writer!

My Mother's World

I'm watching a movie I've seen before - maybe you've seen it too - "One True Thing," with Meryl Streep and Renee Zellweger. Renee plays a daughter who comes home to stay with her folks when Meryl comes down with cancer. William Hurt plays Meryl's husband, who seems uninvolved and emotionally immature. In the past, I've been caught up in Hurt's character and his deficiencies, which actually turn out to be different than you're led to expect. It's a very good in-depth character and relational study worth the watch.

This time through I've been more aware of the relationship between the two female leads. Renee plays a character who wants very much to lead a different life than her home-making mother, whom she perceives as having a very small life. However, as the movie develops, you realize that her world is anything but small, especially in the way she loves and cares for her family, and the world around her.

Renee's character says (through narration) at one point, as she interacts with some of her mother's friends at a luncheon, that she didn't want to be a part of her mother's world. Instantly, I heard myself say that I would have LOVED to be a part of my mother's world, and to be included in such a life. Then, just as quickly, I realized that my mother didn't have a world, at least, not one that anyone else could have been a part of. She wasn't part of any world, really. Her mental illness consumed every thought, every moment, every memory, every relationship. Her person and her world were stolen away by a mind that could not interact with anyone in any healthy or life-building way.

I began to also realize, yet again, that some of my hermiting and reclusive ways are a consequence of being on the periphery of her non-world. Her non-world certainly helped to form the person I've become, for better and worse. I could not enter her world, nor really be part of it, thankfully. But, it would have been fun to have a mom who had a world to be a part of and a life worth desiring.

This post is not a lament, but rather an observation. God has made up to me for the deficiencies of my childhood and I am truly blessed with a number of caring and loving women in my life.

As the movie progresses, Renee's character develops a new appreciation for her mom, and new insights into her dad. All in all, I highly recommend the movie.

Acceptance

I've been thinking about acceptance lately. I remember years ago it was popular to say, "God loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way." On the surface, it sounded right and good. God loves you - that's good, right? He's going to help you to change - that's good, right? Years later, I'm finding that it's a mixed message, much like a lot of messages we hear in some circles. Here's another: "whatever you're afraid of will happen to you, so don't be afraid." Now that is just nuts! Do you know anyone who has stopped being afraid because someone told them that?? Oh well, I'm getting off topic!! Back to acceptance.

God is into setting people free and making them whole. That's Who He is. Acceptance is genuine love - a love that won't walk away if the loved one doesn't change. It's not so easy for we humans. Our love is limited and our acceptance is oft tested. I don't do so well in that category myself. I want to think that I'm an accepting person, but I think a "disapproving tolerance" is probably closer to the truth with some I encounter. I have a long way to go in accepting people the way God does.

I think we have to begin by accepting God for Who He is. Let Him be God. Then we need to accept ourselves with all of our hangups and quirks. Not tolerate, not deny, but really accept that our differences and unlovely places are things God uses in our lives to help us depend upon Him. Then we can pass that on to others.

Just recently a dear friend said to me, "I love you just the way you are - I wouldn't change a thing." What a gift! I felt a deep acceptance and a release of a burden. There is much healing in those words. I heard God's voice in those words. Interestingly enough, I also felt the freedom to change at the same time! What a paradox! The pressure to change was lifted and was turned into an opportunity. God's ways certainly aren't ours, are they? I am truly blessed!

Contentment

I have a friend who is given to profound one-liners on occasion. About once a month we catch up by phone, updating one another and sharing our challenges. Somewhere in the conversation he will inevitably say, "What will it matter in a hundred years?" We both wind up laughing and I say, "Not even a hundred!" It puts things into perspective for both of us, and we realize the the concerns that occupy us today won't even be a memory in the not-to-distant future.

He has another one-liner that always brings peace to me. If you're like me at all, I frequently bemoan that I'm not "further along" than I am. I "should" myself to distraction. Then my friend gently reminds me, "At any given moment, you are right where you're supposed to be." I let that sink in and I feel the "shoulds" fall away and contentment seeps in. This simple statement acknowledges that God really is in control, and there is nothing outside of His oversight. It recognizes that my life is safely in His hands and that He truly does work the ALL things together for good, especially the "all things" that make me squirm. It lifts the responsibility to perfectly navigate my life on my own.

I've thought about contentment quite a bit, but what is it really? The Apostle Paul said that he had learned to be content in whatever condition he was in. I know that he faced some pretty difficult circumstances with beatings and imprisonments and persecutions. My circumstances aren't nearly as dramatic, but I need to find contentment in my "whatevers." Contentment doesn't mean that you enjoy your circumstances, or that you don't try to change them if you can. Contentment, in my view, is trusting God with your life, clinging to Him no matter what comes, knowing that He will work all things out for your good and His glory. Simple to say, not so simple to do. Some days I do better than others. I remind myself that progress requires the passage of time, and usually far more than I think it should! The bottom line is that all of my "whatevers" make complete sense in the light of His governance. Thank You Papa!!

So, for today, I will be content, trusting Him, depending upon Him and surrendering to the "whatever" that happens today.

Knowledge Puffs Up

I love to learn. There is so much to discover, so much to ponder. What I enjoy most is learning to know my Heavenly Father. There is no end to the wealth I find in progressively getting to know Him and His ways better and better.

I've come to understand that He always builds us up, and never tears us down. He never embarrasses us or chides us for not knowing or remembering. He is the essence of patience and is a gentle teacher. There is no "pass/fail" with God - He just keeps working with us until we "get it." He never tells us to study harder because "knowing" isn't about struggling to memorize, as in a list of spelling words. His "knowing" is really a "becoming." He changes the way we think, not just what we think. He teaches by changing us so that we no longer think the way we used to. His yoke truly is easy and His burden light. He yokes together with each one of us - where we go, He goes and where He goes, we go. That gives me comfort.

In contrast, I just recently experienced being on the receiving end of what I would call a "knowledge puffs up" moment. You know that moment, don't you? Someone more well-educated or well-informed than you are demonstrates their intellectual superiority over you. It's even more fun when they do it in front of an audience! Just kidding - it's no fun at all! Before you feel sorry for me, let me say that I have done the very same thing to others. It's true that strength isn't in conquering, it's in serving. I understand a little better what the Apostle Paul meant when he said, "I choose to know nothing among you except Christ crucified." Knowledge puffs up, love builds up. In I Corinthians 13, the scripture says that knowledge will someday cease. So will hope and faith. The only thing left will be love. Amen! Let it be!

Preparing To Let Go

I mentioned in an earlier post that one of my friends is moving to North Carolina. While it's not immediate, it is soon. We talk on the phone about the complex process of detangling yourself from your existing life in order to plant your roots in a new life. On some level, it's just a matter of details, the logistics of packing up and transporting your home goods, calling utilities, notifying friends and family, etc.

On a far deeper level, however, it's a leaving home, leaving familiarity, leaving family and friends. While I'm listening to and trying to support my friend, I hear the beginnings of detachment in her voice, the rationalization that everyone is just a phone call away. "It's no big deal," I hear, "people can come and visit," and "I'll be back to visit on a regular basis." My friend has never lived anywhere else and doesn't really understand that the ones she leaves behind are becoming a part of her past, and not a part of her future day-to-day life. She doesn't realize yet, that the relationships left behind will begin to change. Some may disappear all together, and the ones that remain will be purged of ongoing shared experiences.

I have also begun to realize what her move means to me. She is leaving me behind. I have to accept that, in some real way, I will be a part of her past. Yes, we will talk on the phone, and she will probably visit at least once a year or so. It won't be the same. I won't be able to see her when I want or make plans to be together. She will make new friends, as she should. She will have a new life and become a part of her new community of support. In a sense, I am detangling too. I'm preparing to let go. In my mind, she will become a long-distance friend. It will just happen naturally, subtly, finally.

Ultimately, I'm happy for my friend. She is so thrilled to be moving to a new place, somewhere with warmer winters and a job for her husband. And, I do know that she will be fine, and so will I. Changes really are just a part of life and God can be trusted with them. Over time we will both adjust and the new normal will feel just like the current normal. I think I'll have to get a webcam!