Preparing To Let Go

I mentioned in an earlier post that one of my friends is moving to North Carolina. While it's not immediate, it is soon. We talk on the phone about the complex process of detangling yourself from your existing life in order to plant your roots in a new life. On some level, it's just a matter of details, the logistics of packing up and transporting your home goods, calling utilities, notifying friends and family, etc.

On a far deeper level, however, it's a leaving home, leaving familiarity, leaving family and friends. While I'm listening to and trying to support my friend, I hear the beginnings of detachment in her voice, the rationalization that everyone is just a phone call away. "It's no big deal," I hear, "people can come and visit," and "I'll be back to visit on a regular basis." My friend has never lived anywhere else and doesn't really understand that the ones she leaves behind are becoming a part of her past, and not a part of her future day-to-day life. She doesn't realize yet, that the relationships left behind will begin to change. Some may disappear all together, and the ones that remain will be purged of ongoing shared experiences.

I have also begun to realize what her move means to me. She is leaving me behind. I have to accept that, in some real way, I will be a part of her past. Yes, we will talk on the phone, and she will probably visit at least once a year or so. It won't be the same. I won't be able to see her when I want or make plans to be together. She will make new friends, as she should. She will have a new life and become a part of her new community of support. In a sense, I am detangling too. I'm preparing to let go. In my mind, she will become a long-distance friend. It will just happen naturally, subtly, finally.

Ultimately, I'm happy for my friend. She is so thrilled to be moving to a new place, somewhere with warmer winters and a job for her husband. And, I do know that she will be fine, and so will I. Changes really are just a part of life and God can be trusted with them. Over time we will both adjust and the new normal will feel just like the current normal. I think I'll have to get a webcam!